June 10, 2021 – Marital Discord

Sigh. I think jumping onto this ‘moving’ train may not have been a good idea. It seems like we’ve been at each other’s throats ever since we both got on board. Whenever I get revved up about anything, he seems to put on the brakes, and vice versa. The only thing we’ve been in agreement over is that in order to move forward, the first step will require having a realtor come over and provide us with a CMA (comparative market analysis). For two amateurs (me and my husband) to try and determine what our home is worth (in real value, not sentimental value) and come up with an actual dollar amount seems a bit foolish so we thought having a professional do it would be wise. Even wiser? We’re actually having three different realtors from three different agencies come out and provide us with a CMA. When I worked in a purchasing office, the standard practice was obtaining three quotes for goods or services and I think it’s wise to apply that practice to real estate as well.

Apart from that one thing, we cannot seem to find common ground on anything else. Just this evening, I spoke with my friend ‘M’ about different ways to simplify the process of downsizing. He just went through a huge move himself and had some pretty good ideas. One of those ideas that we both felt worthwhile was hiring a company that handles ‘estate sales’. I am uncertain as to what they charge (10% of sales?) but having a team of people come in and assign values to all of the goods I want to sell and then handle all of the transactions sounds like a pretty good deal to me! I figured I could put everything we no longer want or need into the room I call the ‘Chapel’ and then cordon off the rest of the house. If we do that, no matter what happens with the weather, we don’t have to worry about any of our stuff getting ruined (outside). And if that’s the only room accessible to the public, we won’t have to worry about folks getting into things they shouldn’t.

When I brought it up to my husband (after he muted the TV), he gave me a sideways glance, wrinkled his nose, and made a sound with his mouth that wasn’t a word exactly, but more like a groan (clearly expressing his disapproval). I asked him why he felt that way, but he was neither willing nor able to give me a reason. He then turned his head in order to look at the TV, unmuted it, and resumed watching a YouTube video on how to breed your own Nightcrawlers. Yes! Did you know you could do that? With a rubber tote (with numerous air holes drilled through the bottom and the lid), some shredded newspaper, a little water, some leaf something-or-other, some black dirt, and some ‘starter’ Nightcrawlers, you can breed them to your heart’s delight! I didn’t even know there was ‘black dirt’ until I sat and watched the video with him. I’ve heard of red and brown, but never black. I also didn’t know there were so many types of worms and that Nightcrawlers were the best type of worm to use for fishing.

The last batch we bought ended up in our backyard. My husband intended on using them, but ran out of time before we left for our trip, so I set them free rather than leave them in a cup in the refrigerator. I could have sworn I heard cheering after I dug a hole in the soil next to the thornless blackberry bushes and dumped them into it. It probably isn’t often they get a reprieve. Anyway, back to ‘marital discord’. So what have my husband and I been fighting/bickering/arguing about? The question is, what haven’t we been fighting/bickering/arguing about? We cannot seem to agree on what to listen to on the radio, what to watch on TV, what to eat for dinner, what to work on first on the house, or whether we even want to leave. I thought the leaving part was a no-brainer but my husband seems to be struggling with the idea. After all of the reasons we have discussed at length about why leaving this area was a good idea, he brought up selling our home and buying another one (smaller and cheaper) in the same area!

His logic was that if we netted $400,000 after selling our home, there wouldn’t be any need to go elsewhere; there were plenty of homes available nearby that we could purchase outright from the sale proceeds. Hey, wait a minute! Did I miss something?! I’m not going to go through all of the stress and strife of a move just to wind up down the street or around the corner. Yes, the house would be paid off but nothing else would change. We’ve given this place seven years, and despite everything we’ve tried, nothing has worked. I’m lonely and I’m tired of being lonely. The area is beautiful and the locals are ‘nice’ and I absolutely love our home. We’ve put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into it. But as far as feeling ‘welcome’ in this community? Not so much. I have to tell you, I nearly fell over when my husband made the suggestion!! But that wasn’t the end of it. When I said I wasn’t interested in moving locally, he then suggested moving to an extremely remote location (in the same state) to a small town with a population of 300 people. What???!!!

Would you like to know my response? I told him he might as well get me a sharp razor so I could slit my wrists. I don’t know what he’s thinking! “The houses are really affordable there and it’s near all kinds of lakes where I can go fishing,” he reasoned. He then said, “And I don’t need people, I’ve got you and the dog.” Noooooooo!!!! I refuse to accept that. He needs people. I need people. People need other people (outside of their spouses and/or partners). I know way too much about stuff I don’t care about and I don’t want to know any more. In my wildest dreams, I never envisioned myself sitting on the couch (beside my husband), watching videos on building lithium batteries from scratch, rebuilding boats, DIY fishing lures, or breeding Nightcrawlers. He also devotes a lot of time to watching ‘funny boat launches’, UFO/Alien documentaries, and Sasquatch/Yeti/Bigfoot documentaries. I refuse to watch any of the last three. I tried, I really did. But a girl can only take so much!

This whole situation is so strange. I am finally willing to do what he has yearned to do for years, giving my ‘nod of approval’ to return to his home state, and now he’s giving me all kinds of pushback. Seriously?! What the hell is going on??!! I know it’s not going to be easy. Boy, don’t I know!! We’ve got so much crap that we don’t need and it’s going to take serious dedication to whittle it down to an acceptable amount. The bottom line is, the more we take with us, the more expensive the move will be. And I’m beginning to think he doesn’t want to part with any of his stuff. I brought up his 20 black jackets and 9 motorcycle helmets the other day, and how he really needs to let some of them go. Honestly, of the 20 jackets he has, he really only wears two or three (depending on the weather), and of the motorcycle helmets, he only wears maybe two. The rest of them either hang in the closet or rest on a shelf and literally collect dust.

Guess what else he doesn’t want to part with? His new aluminum boat. I get it (sort of). We just bought it and he hasn’t had a chance to use it yet; however, I don’t know that I’m too excited about keeping it. If we keep it, he intends to put a hitch on the back of my vehicle and have me tow the boat when we move several states away. Driving a car is one thing but driving a car (for 1200 miles) that is towing a boat is another. If I am expected to do that, I predict a scene involving several emergency vehicles (including a coroner’s truck or van). Ugh. I don’t know. I recognize the fact that moving isn’t easy, we’ve done it enough times. But we haven’t even hit the ‘start’ button yet and we’re already ready to kill each other. I told him a few days ago that both of us had to be ‘on board’ for the move to happen and if he didn’t want to move I would support his decision. I sure hope that’s not the case though. I am ready to move and I do believe a better life awaits us. I guess we’ll see how the next few days/weeks go. If at some point I stop blogging abruptly, know that either I snapped or my husband snapped and one or both of us is 1) in jail or 2) in the morgue.

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