October 15, 2020 – Love is never wasted.

Have you ever written something profound to someone and never heard back? That’s what I’m wrestling with today. Saw my ‘shrink’ this afternoon and shared with her how I had recently written something really intense, soul-baring and powerful to someone I love dearly. I wanted them to recognize how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate them and love them. And what did they say or do once they read the letter? I am assuming they’ve read the letter by now. I stuck it on their computer monitor and also sent them a text as a reminder. Anyway, I’ve heard NOTHING. Radio silence. Crickets. Damn, that hurts! So the ol’ brain starts getting worked up. Did they even read the letter? Did they read it and throw it into the garbage? Will they ever respond? Do they feel about me the way I feel about them?

Well, I may never know. Or maybe I will? The thing is, you cannot control the actions of others. And as much as you need closure, sometimes you’re just not going to get it. But what my ‘shrink’ shared with me today was spot on, as it usually is. I am fortunate to have finally found someone that I can speak with privately about my troubles, and actually get back really solid, helpful advice and guidance that helps me understand better why people behave as they do. Her response to me when I relayed what had occurred was, “Love is never wasted”. Broken down, that message is essentially saying that even if what you put out into the world isn’t received, accepted, or acknowledged, it’s never wasted. Either that person or persons that it was directed toward(s) will grow from it or you will or you both will. Either way, it will have a positive impact one way or the other. Sometimes we never see the outcome of what we do. Sometimes, it takes years for that tiny seedling that you planted to become a giant redwood. But even if you never get back any acknowledgement for the good things, the love, that you put out into the world, don’t feel that it’s all for not and stop trying.

And now, of all times, is when it’s needed the most. You can show your love in so many ways. Whether it’s a friendly wave or a smile in passing, or checking on someone and letting them know that they’ve been on your mind and that you care. It can be a card in the mail or flowers or even a ‘care package’. To get something in the mail that you didn’t actually order yourself is quite rare nowadays so it’s a real treat when it does happen and feels incredibly special. And it takes so little. At the very least, it’s an envelope, piece of paper and a stamp that you must invest in, and a little bit of your time. But something that cost you literally less than a dollar may be priceless to the recipient. I honestly don’t remember the last time I got an actual paper card from someone in the mail, sad to say. Anyhow, so many people are suffering right now and since hugs can prove lethal, don’t allow that to prevent you from ‘reaching out’. People are out of work and worrying about how to pay their mortgage and what they’re going to have for dinner because there’s not much in the cupboards. If all you’re able to do is ‘lend an ear’ and offer emotional support, sometimes that’s all it takes to prevent someone from cracking.

What I have discovered throughout my life is that people need to feel that they matter. When you’re isolated and don’t hear from anyone, it’s easy to feel like you don’t and that nobody cares. And if you suffer from depression and anxiety as I do, it doesn’t take long before those existential questions (what is my purpose, do I have any value, what does it all even mean, do I even matter) start to form in your head and take you down to a really dark place. So today, I am sending you a love letter. Since I don’t know your (physical) address, sending you something through the mail would be rather difficult so I am sending it ‘virtually’ since that’s the only real option I have at this time. Here goes…

Hello, my very dear friend! Maybe you don’t know what your purpose is and what it all really means, but YES, YOU DO HAVE VALUE, and YES, YOU DO MATTER! I’ve lost some friends throughout my life that couldn’t seem to grasp that and gave up. It makes me terribly sad because they were all such beautiful people. And I’ll be honest, I’ve come awfully close myself to believing that things would be better if I just ‘checked out’. But please, if that’s where you find yourself today, take a pause. Why? BECAUSE YOU DO MATTER! Maybe you don’t see it, maybe you’ve never heard it before, but I’m telling you, YOU DO! Everyone on this planet has something to offer the world, especially you!! So I’m sending my love out to you today because I want you to know that you matter to me. There is beauty and creativity and strength and courage in you. You might not see it, but I know it’s there. And if today has been extremely tough for you and you feel that there’s little hope, just take it a minute at a time, then an hour, then a day. Eventually, the pain will pass and you will feel better. I promise.

There are people that love you in this world. I certainly do!! And I hope you’re able to receive, accept and acknowledge it. Why? Because it’s true. We’re all in this together, so hang on, you’ll get through it. And just know, for what it’s worth, I believe in you.

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