My entire family is insane.

January 2, 2021 – Honesty is the ‘best’ policy.

Today blew (and not like the wind). I honestly didn’t think anything could top yesterday, but no! I was mistaken. Waking up with dread and knots in my stomach is not a good way to start the day, but that’s how it’s been for at least the last week to week-and-a-half. And what have I said about that and what it means? It’s a signal, something I should be paying attention to. But what the heck does it even mean? Ordinarily, it’s my sign to ‘cut and run’. But cut and run from what? I can’t leave my job, I don’t have one. My relationship with my husband? Why would I do that? He’s a good guy and he’s all I’ve really got left (other than the dog). Life? I’ll be honest with you, I went over to the dark side today. Deep and dark. The abyss nearly swallowed me whole but I tried to breathe through the pain until it passed.

January 1, 2021 – New Beginnings and New Endings

Is it just me or does it seem to you (the rest of you that take ‘happy pills’ to get through each day) that you took a placebo instead of the real thing? I could swear someone switched mine out! It sure doesn’t feel like it’s working. I don’t know, despite the new year and the possibility of things finally turning around, I still feel mired in last year and all of the negative emotions it encompassed. And I cannot seem to shake them. A crappy New Year’s Eve didn’t help but unfortunately, that’s the way they usually turn out. The holiday is always so built up. In nearly every movie that includes a scene from New Year’s Eve, there’s a big party and lots of merriment and drinking, everyone counts down from 10-1 to welcome in the New Year. Once the new year commences, you’re expected to plant a big smooch on whoever is nearby (unless it’s your boss, then I wouldn’t recommend it because it could be construed as sexual harassment) and then immediately commence singing ‘Auld Lang Syne’.

December 31, 2020 – Learning Something New

I don’t know about you, but I try to make a point to do something each day to keep my gray matter from turning into the equivalent of a septic tank. One great way to do that? Learn something new. There are so many things to learn about in this great big world! Don’t know where to start? Just look around. Do you need to make repairs on your apartment or home but you cannot afford to pay a contractor? Pull up YouTube on your computer or phone or tablet or whatever you use when you access the internet. It contains a treasure trove of ‘how to’ videos on practically everything. It’s how I learned how to refurbish cell phones, among other things. And it’s how my husband learned many of the aspects of rebuilding a fiberglass boat. But it’s not necessarily the be-all end-all in sources for learning new things.

December 30, 2020 – Diabolical Debbie

As much as I had hoped I would be able to pull out of my slump, I have been unsuccessful. And since I’m feeling negative, what better person to write about than my sister ‘Diabolical Debbie’ (DD for short)? I have resisted writing about her because even thinking about her puts me in a funk, but I’m already in a funk, so what better time to write about someone negative? In our family, there are 9 siblings. DD is number 5, smack dab in the middle, and I am number 9, the ‘baby’ of the family. There are eight years between us and 3 brothers. Her role in the family? Troublemaker. If there is trouble to be made, she’ll find a way. My stepdad used to say she was born with ‘a chip on her shoulder’ and I think he may have been right about that. All her life, she has portrayed herself as a ‘victim’. She has never, not once, admitted responsibility for anything that has happened in her life. Why? Because she’s a victim. She has never once ’caused’ anything to happen, things always just ‘happen’ to her.

December 29, 2020 – Facing the Facts

I was going to write about something funny today but I’m not feeling terribly humorous at the moment. I finally took care of something that I’ve been avoiding for a while now, and now the finality of it all is really beginning to sink in. I went to my former workplace and I retrieved my old nameplate. I’ve had it for at least twenty years and whenever I start somewhere new, I bring it with me. It’s like an old familiar friend. And where it has stood for the last (nearly) 5 years, is no more. It no longer has a purpose so it is back in my possession (at home), at least for now. I thought it would feel good to finally bring it home, to sever the last tie to my former place of employment, but that’s not how I’m feeling right now. I am feeling rudderless, directionless, lost and definitely not good. I am back in that ‘place’. The place where I struggle. The place where I become plagued with questions, the primary one being, “Where do I go from here?”

December 28, 2020 – Something to celebrate!

Wow! I just realized I am one quarter of the way through to my goal! My goal was to write every single day for a year and I just noticed that as of yesterday, I have successfully written 90 blog posts! I rarely do anything for 90 days in a row, aside from breathing and eating and drinking and sleeping and ‘using the restroom’, so this feels like quite an accomplishment. Yay! That went fast! I’ve only got 9 more months to go. And then what? I wish I knew. I may have to let out my own leash a bit and give myself a little more latitude. I’m treating it like a job at the moment, even though I’m not getting any compensation from it, other than my own satisfaction from seeing it come to fruition each night. And even with jobs, most people get a day off once in a while. But I think I can continue at this pace for another 9 months, as long as nothing significant happens that might put a wrench in the works. After the year is up? Maybe I’ll ease up a bit and just do it every other day or even once a week. We’ll see.

December 27, 2020 – Things my mother says.

Depending on who you ask, my 91-year-old mother has either two or three personalities. I’ve only met two, the sweet one and the sour one, kind of like you get when you bite into a Sour Patch Kid. That’s candy by the way, not an actual child. Don’t bite children. Please. It’s cruel and uncalled for. What if they bite you first? NO! Even though it’s tempting, don’t bite them back. That’s like hitting a child for hitting. Not advisable and it just creates confusion and resentment. Anyway, back to my mom. Day to day, I never know what I’m getting. Yesterday, it was definitely ‘sour’. She called me a brat. I told her I was writing that one down so it’s on record. How did that all come about? She started complaining. And it was one of the topics that comes up on a regular basis. “They took my license away and I had a perfect record,” she told me yesterday for the umpteenth time. “Keep telling yourself that fairytale,” I responded. “Someone must have turned me in and that’s why they took it away. Did you turn me in?” she asked. “No, I didn’t. But I should have a long time ago.”

December 26, 2020 – A nose for sweets.

My favorite movie as a child, hands down, was ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’. And I’m not talking about the crappy version with Johnny Depp, I’m talking about the fantastical version starring the beloved Gene Wilder. I identified with Charlie and my heart soared at the end of the movie when he and Grandpa Joe and Willy Wonka were standing in the elevator and Mr. Wonka informed him that he had won the contest and the chocolate factory was now his! Oh my gosh! What a prize!! To have ALL of that candy! And to be able to have as much as he wanted, whenever he wanted? Yes, please! I love candy!! Plain chocolate, chocolate with peanut butter, chocolate with nuts, chocolate with mint, chocolate with fruit, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, I love it all!! Jujubes, licorice, milk duds, boston baked beans, red hots, sugar babies, cinnamon bears, lemonheads, sweettarts, hot tamales, mike and ikes. Ok, I’ll stop now. You get my point.

December 25, 2020 – Home for the holidays.

Merry Christmas! And since it’s Christmas, what better topic to write about today! I have decades of memories to draw from, beginning with the late 1960s and continuing all the way up until today. Surely there is something I can share that will interest you! But where to begin? It’s all such a blur, especially the early years when I was a small child. I do remember a handful of things from way back when. I wish I could say they were all magical and joyous and full of love and family. And that every year an impressive dinner was prepared that included baked ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, fruit salad with extra bananas and whipped cream, and warm rolls right out of the oven. That part is actually true, that was the one thing we could always count on. Our Christmas dinner, throughout my youth, remained consistent as well as what my mom always put in my stocking each year.

December 24, 2020 – Chasing my own tail.

Tomorrow? I don’t know about you, but I’m not leaving my house. I spent the last two days chasing my own tail and I’m over it! A lot of my frustration is thanks to some of the newfangled ‘gift cards’ that are available for purchase. I always buy several during the holiday season from my local grocery store because they give me ‘rewards’ for future purchases. I thought I was pretty smart this year! I knew I had to make a couple of shopping trips to Lowes and Home Depot (in order to buy yet more items to complete our bathroom) so I went ahead and purchased some ‘gift cards’ from Albertson’s so I could stretch my dollar even further. And I was so proud of myself after I bought them! As soon as I got home, I told my husband how I ‘scored’. “Look what I did!” I told him excitedly. “I bought two ‘gift cards’, one to Lowes and one to Home Depot, and because I bought them at the grocery store, I got 20 rewards points that we can use for grocery or gas purchases!!”