Throw me under the bus, I don’t care. I’ve been blamed enough for stuff that I didn’t do throughout my life that when it happens now, I barely bat an eyelash. Now, that’s not to say I haven’t had a role in getting myself into predicaments (because of my big mouth) or that I haven’t done my fair share of things that were inappropriate, uncalled for or downright wrong. I’ve done plenty of stuff during my lifetime. If you ask me if I did something, if I am responsible for ‘said’ offense (and sometimes even when I’m not), I will tell you I did it. Well, that’s not exactly true. Let me back up a couple of steps. If you ask me if I did something and it’s within the confines of a police interrogation room, it depends. It depends on whether my lawyer is present and if he or she gives ‘the nod’. If my lawyer isn’t present, the only thing I am going to say is, “Lawyer, Legal Representative, or Attorney.”
Continue reading “February 1, 2021 – Scapegoat”January 31, 2021 – The Middle Finger
I don’t know about you, but I’m about as comfortable using the middle finger as I am saying aloud the expression that it represents. You might find me using hand gestures, but they’re more along the lines of rabbit ears (when posing in a photo), the peace sign, making a circular motion next to my ear (to indicate someone’s a bit loopy), or pointing. Have I ever used my middle finger? I tried it out once when I was sitting in a room by myself to see how it felt. It seemed so vulgar and unnatural that I’ve never put it ‘into practice’. Oh my gosh! I just read the last two sentences back and if you have a filthy mind, you could really misinterpret what I was trying to convey. That was not my intent. How can I better explain it so it doesn’t sound like a double entendre? Well, hmm. Let me try again. One day, long ago, I attempted to form my right hand into the offensive symbol but my hand wouldn’t cooperate and that was the only time I ever tried it. Is that better? I’m not entirely convinced but it’ll have to do because I’m not going to waste another minute trying to explain it a third time.
Continue reading “January 31, 2021 – The Middle Finger”January 30, 2021 – Progress Report
Before I begin, I just have to ask a simple question. Did anyone else read the recent news report about China testing for Covid-19 using anal swabs? I actually read the article yesterday and then once I got done, I had to read it again. I was sure my eyes were playing tricks on me. But, no! This is apparently the ‘latest’ methodology utilized for detecting the virus. Come again? Or as Wayne Campbell would say in Wayne’s World, “Ex-squeeze me?!” How in the world did the testing start at the nose and end ‘there’? I am really beginning to think the end must be near. If my doctor asked me to come in for a Covid-19 test and said, “Drop your drawers and touch your toes,” I’d say, “You’ve got another thing coming, Mister!” And what I also wonder is will these tests be conducted at one of the ‘drive thru’ sites? If they are, I’d be willing to fly to China to see it with my own eyes. Can you imagine the whole scenario? There’d be a whole lot of ‘mooning’, that’s for sure! Certainly more than I could appreciate.
Continue reading “January 30, 2021 – Progress Report”January 29, 2021 – Bad Patient Syndrome
I hate to say it, but I’m a lousy patient. I’ve been in the hospital enough times to readily admit it. I just don’t like people poking around more than necessary or making promises they cannot keep. Whenever I’m admitted to the hospital, especially once a nurse has inserted an IV catheter into my arm or hand or jugular and it’s not so easy to ‘make a run for it’, I feel pretty vulnerable and helpless. I don’t like feeling that way. And it’s not just that, something happens to time when I spend greater than 30 minutes in or on or near a hospital bed. I think I’ve caught the minute hand actually going backwards when I’ve had to stay longer than an hour or two. Did they have a special clockmaker screw with the clock just to punish me for being a bad patient? It wouldn’t surprise me if they did! I mean, I give those poor doctors and nurses a run for their money. If they didn’t do something to retaliate, I would be mightily surprised!
Continue reading “January 29, 2021 – Bad Patient Syndrome”January 28, 2021 – Bladder Control
It’s no coincidence that there are so many advertisements for adult pads and diapers on TV and in magazines and pop-up ads on the computer. It seems to be one of the ‘joys’ of being female. We start out life ‘wetting ourselves’ and the closer we get to the end, we do more of the same. Not a very comforting thought. I do understand that men suffer from this problem, too, but we ladies are definitely in the majority. A lot of it has to do with the ‘miracle of life’. Each time we decide to have another child and go through the process of carrying around a little human being for 9 months and then push it out into the world with every last bit of strength we have, we impact our bladders and the part of our body that supports our bladders. But some of us don’t even need to have children to ‘suffer’ from loss of bladder control. Some of us seem to be predisposed to this condition. If I got paid a dollar for every time I’ve ‘peed my pants’ over my lifetime, I’d be a very wealthy woman today. I kid you not, I’d be up to my neck in dollar bills.
Continue reading “January 28, 2021 – Bladder Control”January 27, 2021 – Health ‘Matters’
The theme of the day seems to be around ‘health’. I woke up with anxiety (big shocker!) as well as with significant back pain. I have had my back ‘act up’ enough times by now that I know exactly what to do when I feel the first ‘twinge’, call and schedule an appointment with the chiropractor. This morning, each time I barely turned to the right or left, my back would spasm. As soon as the doctor’s office opened up, I called. The receptionist said there was an opening in three hours so I asked her to pencil me in. Since there was a considerable wait before my appointment, I decided to soak in the tub to get some temporary relief. Soaking in a hot bath helped a little, but not much, so I was looking forward to my appointment. When I visit the chiropractor, I can count on getting immediate relief. Of course, that’s after my doctor’s gone through the usual ’round of questions’, but I’m used to the drill. The thing I haven’t gotten used to and don’t know that I ever want to get used to? The way he guides me into and out of his office with his hand partly on my butt and partly on my hip.
Continue reading “January 27, 2021 – Health ‘Matters’”January 26, 2021 – Learning from our mistakes.
The fact of the matter is that we all make mistakes. Even me; especially me. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make them. I have an ‘eye’ for catching mistakes, whether that’s a curse or a gift, I’m not sure. And in this instance, I’m referring to spelling errors or when people add apostrophes where they don’t belong. When I was in elementary school, if I wasn’t doing chores, eating, playing outside, sleeping, or engaging in other activities too numerous to mention, I had my nose in a book. I loved reading books, I still do. In addition, I wrote a lot, too. When I would write, before my stepdad and I stopped speaking to each other, I would often ask him how to spell something if I wasn’t absolutely sure. He never took the bait, never. He would always respond with, “Look it up in the dictionary.” I was always ‘looking up words in the dictionary’. Either that or the thesaurus. It was pretty clear from all of the dog-eared and tattered pages.
Continue reading “January 26, 2021 – Learning from our mistakes.”January 25, 2021 – Unexpected Parenting Challenges
I’ve been thinking a great deal about my children in recent days. How much my life has changed since I became a mother! I cannot imagine my life without them. Each one is so incredibly unique and has so much to offer. Of all the relationships I’ve had throughout my life, the ones with my kids have been (while incredibly rewarding) the most challenging. Nothing can adequately prepare you for parenthood. I don’t care how many books you read or how much advice you seek, once that ‘little person’ arrives, you can pretty much toss all of that knowledge you initially acquired or sought out the window. With the way humans grow and develop so quickly (especially babies), as soon as you think you’ve got it all figured out, a new and more complex ‘issue’ presents itself. What is particularly fascinating to me is that this is an ongoing process. If you think things couldn’t get any more complicated than when you’re dealing with a toddler in their ‘terrible twos’, think again.
Continue reading “January 25, 2021 – Unexpected Parenting Challenges”January 24, 2021 – The Good Old Days
I have decided to take a break from talking about emotions and feelings and spend a little time talking about what ‘once was’, in other words, ‘the good old days’. In order to do so, I’m going to venture back in time, not as far back as when humans still hadn’t yet discovered the miracle of ‘fire’, but to a more recent time in our past when cell phones and texting weren’t such an integral part of our daily experience. Does anyone still remember those days? A lot of you reading this probably have no idea what that must have been like because you grew up with cell phones and computers and ‘electronic’ mail being as much a part of your existence as corded phones (on landlines) and manual typewriters and ‘snail’ mail (letters actually written on paper that relied heavily on the U.S. Postal Service) were during my upbringing. If you brought up the technology that we have today when I was still in school, people would have either thought 1) you’re referencing a science fiction film you just watched at the drive-in theater or on your console TV, 2) you’re high as a kite, or 3) you’re totally bonkers.
Continue reading “January 24, 2021 – The Good Old Days”January 23, 2021 – Relationships
I realize I’m treading into some dangerous territory, but I feel compelled to talk about relationships today. There is no getting through this life without them. The moment our body leaves the comfort of our mother’s womb, we are introduced to other people and the opportunity for relationships. Our first relationship is generally with our mother. In the beginning, we look to that person for care and nourishment and warmth. The next one is generally with whoever takes on the paternal role, which is usually our father. Undoubtedly, there is the relationship we have with ourselves. From there, the opportunity for relationships continues to expand. There are siblings and playmates and/or schoolmates, people that are part of our church or spiritual community, friends and neighbors, intimate partners, work colleagues, spouses and/or life partners, and people that aren’t necessarily ‘friends’ but are involved in similar causes. And last but not least, there are the relationships we have with our children.
Continue reading “January 23, 2021 – Relationships”
